Birdbath speaks

At a trim 35 lbs, I am neither svelte nor corpulent.
My complexion will not be improved by facial cream,
though a little silver polish might go a long way.

I am a 20-J Conn BBb tuba.
When my one enormous ear detects an amazing piece of music,
I sent out a telepathic message to my assistant,
the self-styled "Professor Beautiful".
"Do it! Do it!"
Resistance is futile.

No matter that it was written for cello or piano or flute.
No matter that his skill level is not quite leveling up.
It's fun to watch him struggle to adapt, solve puzzles.

These humans and their breathing...  not a good look
when playing 3 minutes of eighth notes nonstop.
Maybe drill a hole in the back of the neck, 
that'd work, right?

Or, birds!   They can breathe out and in at the same time!
But we have to get the lips where the beaks are.
Oh, Doctor Moreau, calling Doctor Moreau!